Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
