I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
