My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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