I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
