Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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