She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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