we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
