she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
