I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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