a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
