I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
