This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I touched a dick in church today
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
