He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
