Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
