My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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