Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
