Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
