I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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