im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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