well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
