Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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