it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
