i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
