The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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