I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
