what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
