I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
