Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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