I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
