I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
