i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
