people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
