and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
