went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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