So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
