dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
