My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
