And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
