Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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