GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
