I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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