first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
