Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
