that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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