Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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