Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
