just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
