I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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