just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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