Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
