Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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