She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
