I skipped work to stalk him.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
